Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
