The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
