i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
