you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
