This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
