My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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