I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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