Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
