You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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