Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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