I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
