Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
