He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
