Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She's JV to your varsity
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
