the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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