Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
