apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
