Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
