so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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