he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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