do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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