If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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