At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
