He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's the barista slut.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
