made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
