I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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