Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
