I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
