im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
