Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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