Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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