So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
