Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
