sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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