please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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