my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
