I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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