Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize