Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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