so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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