Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
