we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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