I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it's like iHOP with fire
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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