You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
