u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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