I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
