Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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