We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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