Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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