I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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