So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
