sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
