Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize