He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize