You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
