By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
