grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
