Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
