I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
