Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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