Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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