My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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