what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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