I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
