I think I won the penis lottery.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize