How'd it feel making her break her religion?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
