So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
