Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
