i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
