onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
