Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
