I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
