Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
