we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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