yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
