I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
