Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
